Growing Up In Sin City

I was planning on doing a quick social media post on an observation I witnessed yesterday while volunteering at JAM's school yesterday. However, the more I thought about it the more I felt compelled to make it into a full blown blog post because it's something Mahal and I talk about all the time. As most of you may know, our little family moved to Las Vegas, NV right after JAM's 2nd birthday. Mahal and I always joke around how JAM is basically a "Las Vegan" and not a "Chicagoan" anymore since he's currently lived most of his life in Vegas. Mahal and I  always reminisce on our up-bringing and experiences as children growing up in Chicago and sometimes hate that JAM won't have the opportunities to create similar memories since his environment is completely different.

We try to make JAM's childhood as "normal" as possible but I always wonder what affects this city has on the upbringing of children who live here. From  the flashy casinos, the half nude women on billboards, people walking around with liquor, and the star-studded events, I always wonder if JAM really even notices. M little sister and I spent whole summers here visiting my dad since I was 10 years old. I remember loving how everything was lit on the Strip, especially simple things like the McDonald's and Walgreens. I also remember walking through the Strip as a teenager and was like thinking "OMG" when I looked down at the sidewalks and saw all the "business cards" of nude women or remember looking at newspaper stands and thinking "whoa, that's not a newspaper". Besides that, we spent most of our summers off the Strip with family so it was kind of an out of sight, out of mind scenario with that type of exposure.

Living so close to the Strip, JAM sees the same things I did as a kid and asks questions but in general it didn't seem like most of it rarely phased him. He was more interested in the guy dressed up as Bumblebee from 'Transformers'. However, as I sat in the corner of JAM's classroom yesterday stapling piles of papers for his teacher, I was quickly reminded that these kids pick up a lot more than I thought. The students gathered together in the front of the classroom to brainstorm occupations for their "what do you want to be when you grow up?" writing assignment. I thought, "Oh, this is too cute. I'm going to hear the typical doctor, lawyer, firefighter, police officer type of response." I was actually pretty shocked when NONE of those options came up. It began with students mentioning jobs that their parents did like a truck driver and a construction worker. I loved that they looked up to their parents in that fashion. After that, I ended up stopping what I was doing and just watched the students as they continued to shout out their dream occupations. "I want to be a hotel housekeeper! I want to be a casino manager! I want to be a star! I want to be a singer and make lots of money! I want to be a magician! I want to be an acrobat! I want to be a dress maker for celebrities!" Eventually the teacher tried to elaborate on other types of jobs that you can still do on the Strip like a chef of your own restaurant or an architect who builds the beautiful building on the Strip. That's when kids started stating jobs like a teacher, a principal, and JAM eventually said he wanted to me a police man.

 
The teacher sent the students to their desks to create their brainstorming sheet for their writing assignment. They were supposed to write down their dream occupation and three reasons why they chose that occupation. I walked around the classroom just to see what the kids wrote and most of them chose jobs paired with reasons such as "to make lots of money" or "I can live in a hotel". One of JAM's reasons why he chose to be a police officer was so he "could arrest bad guys who are drunk driving". I was kind of surprised by that. I've heard of kids who wanted to arrest bad guys but to add the drunk driving situation was interesting to me. I don't feel like choosing these occupations as a kid's "dream job" is necessarily a bad thing, but it was definitely interesting to witness.

Have you seen any influences like this with your child?

Campus Childcare

I put off going to college for 2 years after graduating high school mainly because JAM was still a baby. Once we moved to Las Vegas, everything kind of fell into place where it allowed me to finally enroll in school. However, the only issue I had left was who was going to watch JAM? I had 3 family members that lived in Las Vegas as well, but they all worked or had kids of their own to juggle. I personally just didn't want to put him in a daycare or have a stranger babysit him where he'd just stay there and play all afternoon. That's when my cousin recommended a early childhood development center that her daughter was in. They offered a flexible schedule where I can pick him up and drop him off basically whenever I needed to, the kids learned through play but they had a structured curriculum and set of activities, which I loved, and the steps they took with security were great (cameras, locked doors with a pin code, etc.). JAM was so excited to go to school with his cousin so we signed him up and off to school the both of us went!

Initially this school was great. They had a window where I could peek into his classroom so once in awhile that's exactly what I'd do. There were quite a few kids in his class but they had 4 teachers in there to adjust to the ratio. If I didn't want to peek through the window I had the option to check out each classroom from the TV security screens they had in the lobby or I could just go into his class and join in on the fun. They helped with his potty training while he was there and they fed him lunch as well. Then after about a year of being there Mahal and I started to notice a few little things here and there. The main teacher would get a little too aggressive for my liking. She'd raised her voice or grab the kid's arm a little to tight if they were in trouble. Mahal noticed that the same teacher would use the same Kleenex to wipe all of the children's nose if it was runny (eww!). I popped in to have lunch with JAM one day so I was able to attend his "recess" and noticed that the play area was super small and the equipment they were playing on was not suitable for kids JAM's age. He'd sit on the slide and his feet were already on the bottom! I was told they provided snack and lunch. All they ate was fruit and those big bags of generic cereal! JAM even told me they wouldn't give him a drink unless he finished all of his snack as sometimes he didn't like the sour pineapple they fed him so he didn't get a drink. So, I asked if I could just pack him snack and lunch and opted to do that instead. I expressed my concerns to the staff up front, but I gradually started hunting for a new place to put JAM in.

Yea, he didn't like this snack very much (and he's not a picky eater).

I always saw the childcare at my college campus when I exited, but never gave it a second thought since #1 it said childcare (in my head childcare=daycare) and #2 it was a trailer looking establishment. Coming from Chicago, it's not as common to have classes in a portable trailer as it is in the West coast. I was desperate to find a new place for JAM so I went in to inquire about their program. The secretary up front was super nice, the prices were almost half of what I was paying at JAM's current developmental center, and the trailer was A LOT bigger than I thought inside. They had 2 classrooms: one for 2-3 year old and one for basically the 4-5 year olds until the 5 year olds transition into Kindergarten. I met the teacher that ran the class for 3 year olds and she explained the same thing as the last place: the kids learn through play, we have a very structured curriculum, blah blah blah. I expressed my concerns from the last location and she assured me that it wouldn't happen. It was really convenient to have JAM on campus and the childcare already looked better than his current location with what they had to offer so I signed him up.

Fast forward to when JAM had to finally leave the campus childcare for elementary school. Let me tell you, enrolling JAM in the campus childcare was probably the best decision I made for him.

• They limit the number of kids they take in and have a waiting list for those who want to enroll but can't at the moment. This helped keep the class number sizes reasonable instead of chaotic.
• The teachers are so kind and hands on and they truly care about the kids.
• They do have structured activities so the kids are actually learning something and not just playing.
• They're very big on sanitation.
• They're play area is HUGE in the back and they give so many options for the kids to play.
• When it was time for JAM to switch to the 4/5 classroom they informed me that he was ready and they let him visit the new room every day until it was time to fully switch to help make the transition less scary.
• They communicated anything and everything. If it was a little scratch that they had to tend to they'd write a note for me to sign and verify that I was aware of what happened, and if he bumped his head while playing or something I'd get a phone call in addition to the note.
• They made me feel so welcomed when I wanted to drop in. I even joined in on nap time between classes (whoops! haha).
• They held many events where families could attend.
• They had guest speaker come to introduce the kids to a variety of things (teeth brushing, careers, etc.)
• They'd visit the campus garden to help plant things or take "field trips" to the library and fire station on campus (I even had tons of fun visiting the fire station hehe).
• Most of the teachers had a teaching degree or were students from the college earning a teaching degree so they'd bring a lot of fresh, new ideas to do with the kids.

The list goes on and on but moral of the story, don't count your campus childcare out! They even accept the public at very reasonable prices. Anytime I had any questions or concerns, his teachers took the time to address it. They also held parent/teacher conferences to show JAM's progress. Basically, I was ALWAYS in the loop. The staff became family to us and we still make an effort to visit anytime we're on that side of town. Anything I did at home they reinforced at school. I told them what he was required to know to start Kindergarten and they worked that into his daily schedule so that he'd be ready. They also talked to him about what to expect when going to Kindergarten so again, it would be an easier transition. Granted that I was doing a lot with JAM at home, but by the time JAM "graduated" from the campus childcare he learned how to cope with his feelings and emotions instead of acting out, he learned how to share (which was hard for this only child of mine), he knew all his colors, he could count to 20, he knew the alphabet, he could write his own name, and when it came time to do his Kindergarten assessment he passed with flying colors.These guys were all around awesome and JAM made tons of friends that he continues to keep in contact with even though he's in 1st grade now. Now Mahal's sister is ready to take the same steps with her daughter. She's a college student like me and had the same concerns. I told her to definitely shop around. Look into local early childhood developmental centers, check out if the local elementary school has a preschool, don't count out your campus childcare, take tours, ask questions, observe, and choose which on is the best for you.

What is your criteria for choosing the right childcare for your children?

Childhood Bullies

I mentioned before that when I was in Kindergarten, I got bullied on the school bus from day one. I didn't do anything to provoke it. I simply got on the bus and sat down directly behind the bus driver to only be called a "chink" and have things thrown at me from the back of the bus by a 4th grade boy. Once my mom found out she was FURIOUS and typical mom, she got on the bus the next day, found the boy, and basically told him to leave me alone. The bus driver said that he would look out for me and he did. My bus driver, Mr. Frank, became my hero that year. My mom told the principal about it and my principal scheduled a meeting with my mom and the boy's mom. That's when we found out why the little boy acted the way he did. His mom was the same way! My mom described her as a racist as well as a few other not so nice things. His mom used to volunteer at my school and when she'd supervise on the playground she'd be so mean to me after the meeting with my mom. She wouldn't let me have one of the playground balls or would always yell at me for no reason. I'd tell my teacher and the mom would basically say that I was a liar. Long story short, my mom handled it and I never got bullied again after that kindergarten year. Oddly enough I ran into my bully when I got to high school. I told him how much of a jerk he was to me and asked him why? He said he honestly didn't remember doing any of those things to me and sincerely apologized. He explained his upbringing and said how he's matured and is nothing like his family anymore. It was shocking that he didn't remember any of it when it was such a traumatizing part of my life.

So yesterday, JAM gets off the bus and he has a bloody lip and a stain of blood on his shirt! I freak and I asked him what happened. He said that a big kid pulled his arm for no reason, which made him fall and hit his lip on another kid's knee that was in the aisle. You can tell that he was holding back tears and I asked him what's wrong. He started tearing up and said he doesn't know why that big kid did that. My heart broke, but I was furious! Honestly, I wanted to hunt this kid down and kick his you know what! BUT clearly that's not the right thing to do so we talked about it. I asked him if the kid was picking on him or if it was an accident. JAM said that it wasn't an accident. We went on and on about it and I was trying to understand the situation more. Since JAM was real little we've always talked about bullying: What to do if he sees it and what to do if he's a victim. We've also always told him that we are his safe zone. He can always come to us if it happens. He won't get in trouble if he tells us and we won't cause a scene and embarrass him in front of his peers (since that seems to be his biggest concern).

My son is such a social butterfly. He makes friends real easily and he always sees the good in people. He loves making new friends, but as parents we try to explain to him the difference between bullies, friends, and people who just try to use you. Sometimes if I see it happening I'll pull him aside and explain it to him to show what real friends shouldn't do, but in the end he always just says "They are my friends, and I just want to play". I still try to make him aware of it from time to time, but I figured he'll just have to learn like I did as a kid. Plus, what do you really expect from a 6 year old? After this incident happened it made me sad when he couldn't understand why this big kid was mean to him when he didn't do anything. I could see it in his eyes. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. We simply talked it out until we both felt better. We talked some more about bullying and friends. I even showed his a few YouTube videos to show him a different perspective.

Mahal said that it easily could have been an accident that the boy was just trying to play around with JAM and didn't mean for him to get hurt. He said to wait it out to see if it happens again before reporting it to the school. I was still hesitant. I felt like I should report it even if it was an accident so they had it on record just in case there was another incident with this child again. After talking to fellow moms I decided to write a letter to the principal explaining what happened. Accident or not, my baby boy bled. Hopefully this is the first and last time I'll have to deal with something like this, but something tells me this is just one of many bloody battles I may face especially with the way kids are these days. *sigh*

How would you handle the situation if you were me?

To Spank or Not To Spank?

This seems like a question that has been brought up for years. Before I get started, everything that I say is MY PERSONAL OPINION. To each is own. Whether you spank your child or not that is up to you. I feel that there is no wrong or right answer to the situation and I'm always open to everyone's thoughts. I just ask that you be respectful of others if you decide to provide your input on the topic.

I grew up in a household where even though my parents were divorced since I was 5 years old, both of them spanked my little sister and I whenever we got in trouble. Sometimes it would be a spanking with the hand, sometimes with a slipper, or sometimes even with a belt. Talking to some of my peers that wasn't uncommon for us kids growing up. Now that I have a son of my own I went back and forth with the idea of spanking. I never wanted to instill fear in my children like I felt my parents liked. I've heard them a few times express that fear = obedience, and I feel that there are other ways to get the point across than make your children fear you. If you read this and it sounds like I'm on both sides of the fence with the idea, it's only because I'm still trying to figure out what works haha. I see both sides of the argument and so far it seems there's no clear winner when it comes to my son. I never spanked my son until probably he was toddler age. I would slap his hands or spank him on his butt lightly with my hand whenever he acted out and wouldn't listen after talking to him and/or putting him in time out. I learned that the time out thing worked real well until about the age of 4. I implemented the technique that they used in his preschool of having a calming time rather than the normal time out. I would send him to a designated corner for him to calm down and he was allowed to leave the area whenever he was ready to talk. If he still wasn't calm I'd send him right back and kept doing this until we actually talked about the situation calmly. Then he turned 4 and I feel like he lost his mind.

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He started throwing horrible tantrums by trying to hit, throwing things in his room, pouting, stomping, everything you can think of. I tried the calming time, I tried reasoning with him, I tried taking things away as punishment, and then I spanked him. I low key cried the first time I legit spanked him on the butt. I felt so bad but somehow it worked! He stopped acting the way he did after that one spanking. He tested the waters once in awhile, but I'll warn him that he'll get spanked if he didn't stop and that was the end of it. It wasn't until one day around Valentine's Day where I was trying to define the meaning of "love" where I questioned the methods of spanking. One thing I said about love was that you don't want to hurt the people you love. This is where the conversation made a turn where JAM immediately made a comment that caught me off guard.

JAM: "But you and daddy hit me."

ME: "What?! no we don't."

JAM: " Yes you do, when I get in trouble you hit me."

ME: "No we spank you when you get in trouble....." wait.

Crap! my son was technically right! How do you explain to a 4 year old the difference?! I honestly tried my best to explain the difference and he looked and me like I was crazy so we just stopped talking about it. I promised his that I would never spank him again as long as he listened to my words since the only time he seems to listen is after he ends up getting spanked. He agreed. However, this arrangement lasted until his was halfway through Kindergarten. I don't know if it's what he picked up at school or from the older kids, but he started back up with the tantrums X 10 and he started talking back as well! I warned him that if he didn't stop that I'd start spanking him since he's not listening to my words, but he didn't care. JAM is 6 years old now and in 1st grade and I think I've only spanked him 2-3 times since then. I decided that I'd walk away and we'd both cool down and we talk about the situation in a calm fashion instead of all the yelling and spanking. Sometimes it works, sometimes he gets things taken away. I ended up spanking him when his acting out got really bad and nothing else was getting through to him. I don't know. Clearly I go back and forth with it, but I personally don't like doing it. I thought that all this attitude stuff would come around when he was like 13 NOT 5. I love my son. There's no doubt about it, but what do you do when you've tried everything and the kids still don't respond? I even read that certain areas are considering banning spanking.

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What do you think? Should spanking be banned or should it be the parents choice?

Co-parenting

Growing up in a household with just one parent is all I've ever know. Although I briefly lived with my father as a child, I grew up most of my life with my mother. Regardless, I was only with one parent. My parents divorced when I was about 5 years old, and most, if not all of my friends that I had growing up grew up in a similar household setting. Very rarely did I come across a friend who was able to complain about both parents being unfair or if mom said no they'd ask dad. What mom always said goes. Her word was the final word. There was no consulting in another person or "let me ask dad first". Although my mom went on to marry someone else when I was about 16, it was still her way or the highway when it came to the decision-making.

When I found out that I was pregnant, it didn't hit me that I would be co-parenting until our son was born. Before JAM was born, Mahal and I would make up random scenarios that our son could come across in life and see how we would handle it, but it doesn't become a reality until you're actually in the situation. For the most part, Mahal and I are usually able to come to a compromise on how to handle a situation, but this was still all new to me. It was honestly hard for me to step back on certain things. I was so used to growing up where everything went my mom's way that I seriously didn't know how to react when there had to be two opinions to take into consideration when it came to our son. Mahal and I grew up from different backgrounds, different morals, and different values. We had a lot of stuff in common but sometimes you don't take your partner's upbringing into consideration when prepping for a baby. Mahal grew up with things a little more lenient and laid back where everything wasn't a big deal while I grew up with 10,00 rules, crazy discipline and everything always seemed like the end of the world.

Regardless, we agreed that we will always have each other's back just in case JAM decides to be sneaky and ask the other parent for something low key. Our first major co-parenting incident that I can remember had to be the weeks before JAM was born. I always knew that I was going to breastfeed my son, and taking care of all my little cousins it only seemed natural to circumcise my son as well. I honestly didn't even think to bring it up to Mahal because this seemed like a natural process to me. Somewhere down the line of my pregnancy the topic was brought up. Basically, Mahal was telling me that he didn't want me to breastfeed because he wants to be the first one to feed the baby and he won't be able to do that since I'm the one with the boobs and milk. He also said he assumed we weren't getting our son circumcised because no one in his family is circumcised and that was pretty typical for Puerto Rican boys. WHAT?!

We went back and forth for DAYS on the pros and cons of it all with a few minor arguments in between. We basically agreed that I will breastfeed and the baby won't get circumcised, but with a few stipulations: I will pump so that Mahal can be a part of the feeding process, and JAM can stay uncircumcised as long as Mahal teaches him proper hygiene as JAM gets older. If at any point in time does JAM incur any issues with his boy parts because of him not being circumcised, he will be circumcised with no questions asked and no matter what age he is. Phew! 2 situations down, 7 billion to go. Mahal and I continuously talk about different scenarios that JAM may come across and how we would handle it all just to see each other's point of view. I think that even though Mahal and I both grew up in single-parent households that we've done a great job trying to make co-parenting work. Like I said before, we're both Leos so it's pretty easy for us to butt heads from time to time, but I think we can always come to a compromise as long as we continue to put personal feelings aside to see the benefits of the situation for JAM.

What was a co-parenting scenario that you had trouble making a decision on or where you wouldn't budge on your opinion of the matter?

Without a Dad

They say that a dad is a little girl's first love. So much that people say that your future husband tends to reflect certain aspects of your father. But, what do you do when you didn't grow up with a father? Who do you make the comparisons to? I always wonder if "dads" realize the impact they make on their child's life whether or not they're apart of their lives. This is not to say that I didn't know who my father was. My dad actually lives in Las Vegas just like me. I even lived with him for a little bit. Talking to people who are in similar situations than me, however, it seems that we all have something in common. We always wonder what they're up to and cling on to the good memories we have with our father. Obviously all cases vary, but it seems that even though you could have all this pent up anger and resentment towards your father, they'll still always be DAD.

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You would think that you'd be used to living in this type of scenario. Growing up with a single parent. But I'm already 24 years old and I can admit that it still bothers me time and time again. I look at my son and I couldn't imagine not being a part of his life. Mahal agrees. I think the thing that messes with me the most the the "drop-in dad". You know, the kind of father that pops in as he pleases, getting his kids hopes up, buys their love and then leaves again. Don't you realize how traumatic things like that are. It can taint a kid! Single parenting seems to be more and more common as the divorce rate doubles more and more every year. I feel that if you want to be an actual parent to your child, it has to be an all or nothing kind of deal. Also, Moms don't bash their dads. Let them learn for themselves. That's the only way they'll learn in the end run.

EVERYONE and I mean everyone used to tell me things about my father, but he was still my dad and I figured he'd never do those things to me. Then, I lived with him and grew up a little and saw it all for myself. I have my own judgement about my father but only I could do that for myself. On the flip side, Moms, if dad wants to be a part of your child's life and he's taking the right steps to do so, LET HIM BE A PART OF THEIR LIVES! Just because you two couldn't work it out doesn't mean you can't put personal feelings aside for the sake of the kids! Even though he couldn't be a great partner to you doesn't necessarily mean he can't be a great father to his kids. The two don't always overlap.

I'm not saying that a kid needs a mom and a dad to have the kid live to their fullest potential. I'm just saying if you decide to take on the roll of a parent, give it 110%. Dropping in their lives when you feel the time is right for YOU is just as good as not coming around at all. I see kids who their dad isn't involved at all and they sit there and wonder about them. Then I see kids who know who their dad is but still sit there and wonder about them. Your kids deserve better. Make the effort. Don't buy their love. It's only good for the moment and you're only deepening the emotional damage. Call you kids. Tell them you love them. Hug them tight. Care. Be involved. There's nothing harder out there in the world than to be a parent, but your kids will love you and thank you for it in the end run.

The Sex Talk

Being one of the older cousins in the family, I have teen cousins confiding in me about many high school "dilemmas". One thing that seems to be a common topic is sex. I've always told my little cousins that they can always come to me for anything, especially if they can't talk to their parents about it, BUT this was definitely one topic that caught me off guard. It also got me thinking about my little one. So my question to parents out there, when is a good age to talk to kids about sex? How much do you tell them? Do you use scare tactics or do you just try to talk about it in general (no specifics)?

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My parents never physically sat me down and had "the sex talk" with me, but I kind of always knew about it simply because it's in the high school air. I had friends that were sexually active already freshman year of high school or sometimes even sooner. I noticed that nowadays kids are becoming sexually active earlier in life, not only because of peer pressure, but because they think it's cool to lose the "V card" as soon as possible. THIS worries me. Just walking around JAM's elementary school (which only goes up to 5th grade) I hear kids talking about boyfriends and giving hickies. I know every generation is different, but I swear in 4th-5th grade I was only worried about recess and cootie shots NOT getting a hickey. Yeah, I probably had a couple crushes here and there but the thoughts about boys never went anywhere past that.

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Talking to some of my cousins, I realized that their knowledge about the subject of sex was about the same. They know OF the topic of sex and the general idea about it, but they didn't comprehend the extent of possible consequences or how to protect themselves properly. THAT was scary to me and after that, I was kind of happy they came to talk to me so I can talk to them about it and answer any questions they had openly. I want to say that I'll be just as open when JAM (hopefully) approaches me or Mahal about the topic, but let's just take it day by day.

I think the biggest concern about teens being sexually active is the possibility of teen pregnancy as an outcome. However, I don't think parents focus enough on other aspects such as STDs and protection as well. When I was talking to my cousins, the things they were saying were similar to my thoughts about sex at that age. Most of the knowledge came from movies and friends, with the random scare tactics of health class and push for abstinence. I wasn't very sexually active in high school, but I don't think abstinence is realistic. It's ideal, but not realistic. See the difference?

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 All of this is all personal opinion of course. To each is own and that's exactly why I asked all those questions to intro this blog post because I'm very open to everyone's opinion and arguments about the topic. I personally think knowledge is power though. I wouldn't approve of my little cousins having sex in high school, but at the same time I want them to be knowledgeable about it all just in case. Better safe than sorry right? Being from the perspective of a teen mom, I don't think there's a right way per say on how to address the topic. I remember in health class we'd walk into class every day with a disgusting photo of someone's STD on the projection screen and our health teacher basically telling us "DON'T HAVE SEX!" They also had teen moms come in to speak to us about teen pregnancy, but every year I felt that they always chose worst case scenarios such as moms with children who have disabilities or who are homeless. Yes, those scenarios are completely possible, but it was just hard for me to take them seriously as a teen since they didn't feel so relatable to me.

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In health class they also told us about the forms of contraception available for both boys and girls, but they never explained how to actually use it properly for the fear that parents may think the school is condoning teenage sex. I feel that this is where high schools make a mistake by not thoroughly teaching the subject of sex. My boy cousin assumed it was ok to keep a condom in his wallet because he always saw it in the movies and on TV and his friends were doing it. In reality, that's not a great way to store protection. As Mahal puts it, it's like trying to store a big bag of potato chips in your clutch purse. You're squeezing all the air out of the packaing and damaging the condom. My cousin had no idea. He didn't even know that there were different sizes and types and that it's necessary to choose the right one to make it effective. Yes, he knew that magnums were for the well endowed but that's as far as his knowledge went!

Both my boy and girl cousins surprisingly knew about the Plan B pill, but didn't realize that there were risks to taking this pill consistently. I have a few 20+ year old friends that use this pill as a form of contraception, but it's called an EMERGENCY pill for a reason. Both of my cousins were still questioning the pull out method. FYI, it doesn't work! I still have friends that still swear by this but IT DOESN'T WORK! Plus, that doesn't protect you from STDs, which by the way, they didn't know that some of those diseases were for life. I guess that was kind of understandable. I remember going into health class and the teacher would show you a picture of the nastiest form of that specific STD and tell you how it burns and oozes and wear a condom, don't have sex, blah blah blah. They didn't know you can take your partner to get tested with them and how important the testing is especially if you know your partner was very sexually active previous to being with you. They didn't know that you're required to tell people you have a certain STD before having intercourse or you can get in a lot of trouble. The list went on and on.

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I felt good having an open and honest conversation with them about it all. They naturally see my day to day life since I've given birth to JAM so they know how hard it was for me to raise him at 18 years old: the sleepless nights, the fighting because the stress level was to the max, the financial hardships, etc. I was fortunate enough that Mahal stood by my side, but many teen parents aren't so lucky to have the support I did. Regardless, with two parents or not, being a parent in general is hard so you can imagine trying to be a kid yourself AND a parent. I think after talking to them I feel more comfortable introducing this info to JAM little by little as he matures. I feel comfortable explaining all the risks and consequences and most of all, prevention. Here's a STD reference that I used to speak with my cousins. In addition, there's so many references that you can use to find out about different forms of contraception. Some adults don't even know all the possible forms of contraception out there. It does branch out farther than just condoms for men and birth control pills for women. Here's a few references to help out with that:

*Birth control for women

-Birth control fact sheet

*Birth control for men & women

-Detailed forms of birth control

So, how do you plan handle the topic of "the birds and the bees" with your child?

Tip #4 to Future Parents of Kindergarteners

Always be involved in your child's education. Don't just depend on the school to teach your child everything they are supposed to know. I feel so sad when I see a child not living up to their potential simply because the parent doesn't step in. Talk to the teacher. Ask him/her how you can help your child be a better student from home. See what their weaknesses are and ask when the next milestone test will be so your child will always be prepared. Cramming may work for you as an adult, but kids crack under pressure. Don't make them study for something the night before and expect them to get 100% the next day. Baby steps.  Also, If you have a schedule that permits it, VOLUNTEER IN YOUR CHILD'S CLASS! Not only will the teacher appreciate the help, but your child will love it too. If you can't physically be there, ask their teacher if there's anything you can do from home or financially if your budget allows it.

Teachers pay for most of the materials they use in class out of their own pocket. Throughout the year I ask JAM's teacher if she is running out of school supplies and usually it's dry eraser markers, crayons, and glue sticks. All of those usually come in big packs for really cheap so I usually have no problem donating those things to the class. The kids could care less what brand the school supplies are. It just needs to get the job done (Keep that in mind when going school supply shopping!). Also, the kids have a lot of events that they celebrate throughout the year that you can easily help with from home. JAM had a Watermelon picnic and they needed volunteers to come and cut up the watermelon, but my school schedule didn't allow it. As an alternative, I just bought some watermelon the night before, cut it up at home, and sent it with him when I took him to school in the morning. There are endless ways you can be involved. All you have to do is ask!

Learn how to make this butterfly craft here

Well I hope everything works out for you parents out there who are about to start this new chapter in your child's life. Deep breaths and know that everything will work out. Stay in complete communication with your child's teacher AND your child, and get involved as much as you can. Everything they learn in school must be reinforced at home no matter how busy you are. Take it all in and enjoy every minute of it because you only get one chance to go through this with your son or daughter. Our baby boy is growing up before our eyes! Excited to see what 1st grade brings! Check out my other tips to future parents of kindergarteners: Tip #1,  Tip #2, and Tip #3.

First Day of School

Last Day of School

If you have any questions and concerns about the experience just comment below! I'll be happy to answer any questions you may have. If you're a veteran momma and have any advice for us rookies, I've love to hear your thought as well!

Tip #3 to Future Parents of Kindergarteners

Always talk to your child. Make them feel comfortable to open up to you even if it is something bad. Ask more than yes/no questions. I personally ask JAM every day what his favorite thing about today was, and he's not allowed to use the same answer two days in a row (hehe). One day JAM came home telling me he was getting picked on in safekey, and my first instinct was to find that kid! haha. Can you blame me? Instead, I talked about it with him to help him find solutions to the issue. I'd sometimes see the issue in person and instead of stepping in to fix it, I pulled him aside to make him aware of the situation and guide him on how to fix it himself. It was something we struggled with on and off through the school year, but by the end he was good to go. The gift/curse about children is that they are so forgiving. Most of his "bullies" are some of his closest friends now oddly. He actually guided them how to be nicer and do the right thing instead of acting out and being mean. From that point on, we talk about everything. The good AND the bad. If I never asked or encouraged conversation, I probably would have never known about the issue. JAM even comes to me about other kids having issues in school too and what he should do. Take it day by day. It'll all work out if you give your child the right tools.

As far as Safekey goes, I know some of you may be concerned placing your child in an after school program, but the program is pretty great. They help the kids with their homework and they make is so fun for the kids that sometimes JAM asks me to put him in safekey even when he doesn't need to attend! I feel that it's also beneficial because JAM made friends with kids of all ages in safekey. I was always worried about the bigger kids messing with him, but he made friends with some of them in safekey, and they actually watch over him when they're in school. So don't be afraid to utilize the programs the school has to offer. Check out my other tips to future parents of kindergarteners: Tip #1,  Tip #2, and Tip #4.

Were any of you bullied in school? How would you handle the situation if you found out if your child was being bullied?

Tip #2 to Future Parents of Kindergarteners

I personally didn't have the best experience in Kindergarten, which set up my paranoia for JAM starting Kindergarten. I was bullied by a 4th grader on my first day of school. My mom always told me that if someone picked on me to tell her and tell the teacher, but what do you do if you're getting bullied on the bus? When I got to school I was so nervous. I didn't know where to sit or what to expect. Then, at recess I tried to tell my teacher that I had to use the bathroom, but she told me to hold it since we're about to go back inside. How can you tell a 5 year old to hold it?! So, I peed in my pants and tried to play it off when kids asked me if I did. To top it off, my bus ride home was horrible. I saw the bus driver keep passing my house until I was the last one on the bus. He asked me for my address, but I had no clue what it was so we had to go back to the school to figure out where I lived. Now you understand where my paranoia of JAM starting Kindergarten came from.

As the days started to approach his first day of school I talked to JAM about what to expect in Kindergarten so there wouldn't be any scary surprises. I mentioned some of the stuff I went through hoping to prevent him from going through the same horrific experience. I talked about bullies, making sure you teacher knows it's urgent when you have to use the bathroom, don't talk to strangers, I taught him our address, and taught him both of our cell phones numbers. I quickly learned that it was a lot for a 5 year old to handle. Learning you address is actually pretty hard to learn! Where the numbers go and where the words go. I tried to explain the street name vs. the city name and apartment number vs. zip code to help, but he just looked at me like I was crazy. Instead, as he was learning his numbers and letters in school, I introduced parts of our address and my phone number little by little.

I also decided right off the bat that JAM will not ride the bus to school. It was more for me feeling comfortable taking him to school myself instead. With me being a full-time student I also had to sign up JAM for safekey, which is the after school program the school offered until I was able to pick up JAM since my classes got out at 5:30pm and he got out of school at 3pm. At orientation I filled out the paperwork that stated that JAM either gets picked up or goes to safekey. His first day of school was the same day as my first day of class so he would go to safekey after school. Instead, they put him on the bus! Imagine my horror when I found that they left my son at the bus stop since I wasn't there to get him. Luckily a mom saw him and stayed with him until I arrived. Yes, there was a lot of drama and words exchanged between the school and I, but this is where my communication advice comes into play. Although I'm not happy with what happened I learned that communication is key. JAM's teacher has a class of 34 students and she's only human. From that point on I personally went up to her every day when I dropped off JAM to tell her if I'm picking him up today or if he's going to safekey. So, I suggest if you have an arrangement like mine that you do the same to avoid any possible heart attacks. Check out my other tips to future parents of kindergarteners: Tip #1, Tip #3, and Tip #4.

What traumatizing experiences have you had in school growing up or for you veteran parents, what heart attack experiences have you had with your child's school to help future parents from experiencing the same thing?

Tip #1 to Future Parents of Kindergarteners

When it's time for your child to start school, there's so many things running through your mind. What school do I put him/her in? Public or private? Do I buy the name brand supplies or the cheap ones? Do I let him/her ride the bus or take them to school myself? Will they have a nice teacher? Half day or full day? Will they make friends? What if they get bullied? Now that JAM has completed Kindergarten, I decided to give a little insight to future parents of Kindergartners. Everyone's experience is different, but maybe if I share mine, your experience will be a little less rocky.

 

The biggest piece of advice I can give any parent going through this is communication is key. Keep in complete contact with your child's teacher. Also, talk to your child about their school experience every day. Miscommunication is very easy to do, but also very easy to fix. Volunteering can strengthen that bond and communication with your child's teacher AND with your child. Also, just relax!! Both Mahal and I had our heart strings tugged when taking JAM to his first day of Kindergarten, but know that everything will be ok. He'll have his moments throughout the year, but you have to teach him/her how to handle the situation NOT fix it for him. This little trick will pay off in the end run no matter how hard it is for you to just sit back and watch. We all learned most of our knowledge through experience. Now it's time to let your little one do the same. All of this seems like common sense and so easy to do, but we all know what they say about common sense, and when it comes to your kids things don't always come so easy when you have to let go a little. Check out my other tips to future parents of kindergarteners: Tip #2, Tip #3, and Tip #4

If you are a veteran Kindergarten mom or dad, what are some tips that you have?