First Grade

JAM has completed another year in elementary school and by the looks of this 116 degree weather, summer has arrived in full force. I don't know about JAM, but first grade was definitely a different experience overall compared to Kindergarten (P.S. You can read my tips for kindergarten here). I mean, yes, I expected to have a different experience since first grade would be his first "real" elementary school grade with actual homework, subjects, and testing. However, there was a lot of unexpected stuff that occurred throughout the year. I could ramble on for days on crazy things that happened, but here's my overview on JAM'S year in first grade and what I learned:

1. JAM convinced me to let him ride the school bus for the first time. I was completely against it not only because of what happened in kindergarten, but also because that meant releasing the reigns a little bit and trust a stranger of a bus driver to take care of my most prized possession. Long story short, it ended up becoming convenient for me to not have to drive him to school every morning and JAM had fun sitting with his BFF on the bus. The yellow school bus is something kids looked forward to when starting school!

2. A lot can happen in a short 10 minute bus ride to school. JAM got bullied twice on the bus and all I could see was RED once I found out. (2a) FYI even though schools promote all this anti-bullying stuff sometimes that isn't enough. YOU are your child's voice. If mama bear didn't raise hell in the school to get the situation resolved, my kid would have ended up being another invisible bullying statistic. SPEAK UP and FIGHT for your child's safety. It doesn't mater the area you live in or how fancy the school...kids can be cruel anywhere.

3. Sometimes I have to remind myself that certain life experiences are a first for JAM. He's never had to deal with unfriendly kids really so I have to be patient and teach him the difference between a friend who's joking around and an unfriendly child who is taking advantage of him. With that said, sometimes I have to just step back and I guess you can say, let him get hurt so he learns. As long as he's not getting hurt physically of course. This also gives me an opportunity to teach him other life lessons like everyone isn't always your friend and that's ok. It happens and it's definitely not your fault. Here's how you handle it.....etc. etc.

4. No matter how much communication you try to achieve between you and the school and/or teacher, sometimes the best route is always in-person communication. Many things didn't seem to get executed until I was physically present to make sure it got done. It's a pain, but sometimes it's necessary.

5. Volunteering is still a great thing to do for your child. Not only do they love it, you become a familiar face around the school and there are definitely benefits to that.

JAM and I are ready for his Fall Festival!

6. This year JAM had a lot on his plate from school to religion classes to soccer practice to just trying to be a kid....sometimes mom has to make executive decisions to make sure certain things stay #1 on the list.

7. JAM has always been a bright student but first grade was a little different for him. Parents are a child's number one teacher. They can only learn so much at school so most of it MUST be reinforced at home. His teacher gave him a lot of independence in the classroom as far as when to complete certain assignments and he tended to slack off a bit. Creating a visual like a white board or a chart at home helped him see what he needed to get done at school and the benefits of completing it. Learning responsibility and independence was a big thing this year. People at school aren't hovering over their shoulders as much as they were in Kindergarten so it's important to check-in with them every so often to make sure things are still getting done.

8. JAM picked up a lot of not-so-great behavior from his peers at school. There was a lot of reminder this year of what the morals and values of OUR family were and why we choose to live by them. Again, these are first time life experiences for him, but it still needs to be nipped in the butt right away.

and just like that...from August to June.....we were all done.

*sigh* I can't believe my baby completed another year in elementary school! Where has the time gone?! Every year I cry a little inside as we complete his school scrapbook. Mahal and I just give each other this stare when JAM hands us the paperwork to enroll him for the following school year. JAM finished the year receiving awesome academic awards! His favorite subject is math (he definitely didn't get that from me hehe) so it was no surprise that he earned an award in that, as well as in writing. He also received an award for perfect attendance for the whole year and was 1 of 10 first graders to receive an award for straight A's for the whole school year! Because of his straight A's he made the honor roll and received a letter from President Obama and a Presidential award. How awesome is that?! Another year gone and 2nd grade on the way. We're trying to cherish these moments every chance we get, but whether we like it or not, our big boy just keeps getting bigger. Bring it on 2nd grade! We're ready for ya! Until then, nothing but sunshine and swimming pools for the next 2 months.

What is a piece of advice you'd offer to fellow parents who have school-aged children?

Childhood Bullies

I mentioned before that when I was in Kindergarten, I got bullied on the school bus from day one. I didn't do anything to provoke it. I simply got on the bus and sat down directly behind the bus driver to only be called a "chink" and have things thrown at me from the back of the bus by a 4th grade boy. Once my mom found out she was FURIOUS and typical mom, she got on the bus the next day, found the boy, and basically told him to leave me alone. The bus driver said that he would look out for me and he did. My bus driver, Mr. Frank, became my hero that year. My mom told the principal about it and my principal scheduled a meeting with my mom and the boy's mom. That's when we found out why the little boy acted the way he did. His mom was the same way! My mom described her as a racist as well as a few other not so nice things. His mom used to volunteer at my school and when she'd supervise on the playground she'd be so mean to me after the meeting with my mom. She wouldn't let me have one of the playground balls or would always yell at me for no reason. I'd tell my teacher and the mom would basically say that I was a liar. Long story short, my mom handled it and I never got bullied again after that kindergarten year. Oddly enough I ran into my bully when I got to high school. I told him how much of a jerk he was to me and asked him why? He said he honestly didn't remember doing any of those things to me and sincerely apologized. He explained his upbringing and said how he's matured and is nothing like his family anymore. It was shocking that he didn't remember any of it when it was such a traumatizing part of my life.

So yesterday, JAM gets off the bus and he has a bloody lip and a stain of blood on his shirt! I freak and I asked him what happened. He said that a big kid pulled his arm for no reason, which made him fall and hit his lip on another kid's knee that was in the aisle. You can tell that he was holding back tears and I asked him what's wrong. He started tearing up and said he doesn't know why that big kid did that. My heart broke, but I was furious! Honestly, I wanted to hunt this kid down and kick his you know what! BUT clearly that's not the right thing to do so we talked about it. I asked him if the kid was picking on him or if it was an accident. JAM said that it wasn't an accident. We went on and on about it and I was trying to understand the situation more. Since JAM was real little we've always talked about bullying: What to do if he sees it and what to do if he's a victim. We've also always told him that we are his safe zone. He can always come to us if it happens. He won't get in trouble if he tells us and we won't cause a scene and embarrass him in front of his peers (since that seems to be his biggest concern).

My son is such a social butterfly. He makes friends real easily and he always sees the good in people. He loves making new friends, but as parents we try to explain to him the difference between bullies, friends, and people who just try to use you. Sometimes if I see it happening I'll pull him aside and explain it to him to show what real friends shouldn't do, but in the end he always just says "They are my friends, and I just want to play". I still try to make him aware of it from time to time, but I figured he'll just have to learn like I did as a kid. Plus, what do you really expect from a 6 year old? After this incident happened it made me sad when he couldn't understand why this big kid was mean to him when he didn't do anything. I could see it in his eyes. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. We simply talked it out until we both felt better. We talked some more about bullying and friends. I even showed his a few YouTube videos to show him a different perspective.

Mahal said that it easily could have been an accident that the boy was just trying to play around with JAM and didn't mean for him to get hurt. He said to wait it out to see if it happens again before reporting it to the school. I was still hesitant. I felt like I should report it even if it was an accident so they had it on record just in case there was another incident with this child again. After talking to fellow moms I decided to write a letter to the principal explaining what happened. Accident or not, my baby boy bled. Hopefully this is the first and last time I'll have to deal with something like this, but something tells me this is just one of many bloody battles I may face especially with the way kids are these days. *sigh*

How would you handle the situation if you were me?

Tip #3 to Future Parents of Kindergarteners

Always talk to your child. Make them feel comfortable to open up to you even if it is something bad. Ask more than yes/no questions. I personally ask JAM every day what his favorite thing about today was, and he's not allowed to use the same answer two days in a row (hehe). One day JAM came home telling me he was getting picked on in safekey, and my first instinct was to find that kid! haha. Can you blame me? Instead, I talked about it with him to help him find solutions to the issue. I'd sometimes see the issue in person and instead of stepping in to fix it, I pulled him aside to make him aware of the situation and guide him on how to fix it himself. It was something we struggled with on and off through the school year, but by the end he was good to go. The gift/curse about children is that they are so forgiving. Most of his "bullies" are some of his closest friends now oddly. He actually guided them how to be nicer and do the right thing instead of acting out and being mean. From that point on, we talk about everything. The good AND the bad. If I never asked or encouraged conversation, I probably would have never known about the issue. JAM even comes to me about other kids having issues in school too and what he should do. Take it day by day. It'll all work out if you give your child the right tools.

As far as Safekey goes, I know some of you may be concerned placing your child in an after school program, but the program is pretty great. They help the kids with their homework and they make is so fun for the kids that sometimes JAM asks me to put him in safekey even when he doesn't need to attend! I feel that it's also beneficial because JAM made friends with kids of all ages in safekey. I was always worried about the bigger kids messing with him, but he made friends with some of them in safekey, and they actually watch over him when they're in school. So don't be afraid to utilize the programs the school has to offer. Check out my other tips to future parents of kindergarteners: Tip #1,  Tip #2, and Tip #4.

Were any of you bullied in school? How would you handle the situation if you found out if your child was being bullied?