Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Without a Dad

They say that a dad is a little girl's first love. So much that people say that your future husband tends to reflect certain aspects of your father. But, what do you do when you didn't grow up with a father? Who do you make the comparisons to? I always wonder if "dads" realize the impact they make on their child's life whether or not they're apart of their lives. This is not to say that I didn't know who my father was. My dad actually lives in Las Vegas just like me. I even lived with him for a little bit. Talking to people who are in similar situations than me, however, it seems that we all have something in common. We always wonder what they're up to and cling on to the good memories we have with our father. Obviously all cases vary, but it seems that even though you could have all this pent up anger and resentment towards your father, they'll still always be DAD.

You would think that you'd be used to living in this type of scenario. Growing up with a single parent. But I'm already 24 years old and I can admit that it still bothers me time and time again. I look at my son and I couldn't imagine not being a part of his life. Mahal agrees. I think the thing that messes with me the most the the "drop-in dad". You know, the kind of father that pops in as he pleases, getting his kids hopes up, buys their love and then leaves again. Don't you realize how traumatic things like that are. It can taint a kid! Single parenting seems to be more and more common as the divorce rate doubles more and more every year. I feel that if you want to be an actual parent to your child, it has to be an all or nothing kind of deal. Also, Moms don't bash their dads. Let them learn for themselves. That's the only way they'll learn in the end run.

EVERYONE and I mean everyone used to tell me things about my father, but he was still my dad and I figured he'd never do those things to me. Then, I lived with him and grew up a little and saw it all for myself. I have my own judgement about my father but only I could do that for myself. On the flip side, Moms, if dad wants to be a part of your child's life and he's taking the right steps to do so, LET HIM BE A PART OF THEIR LIVES! Just because you two couldn't work it out doesn't mean you can't put personal feelings aside for the sake of the kids! Even though he couldn't be a great partner to you doesn't necessarily mean he can't be a great father to his kids. The two don't always overlap.

I'm not saying that a kid needs a mom and a dad to have the kid live to their fullest potential. I'm just saying if you decide to take on the roll of a parent, give it 110%. Dropping in their lives when you feel the time is right for YOU is just as good as not coming around at all. I see kids who their dad isn't involved at all and they sit there and wonder about them. Then I see kids who know who their dad is but still sit there and wonder about them. Your kids deserve better. Make the effort. Don't buy their love. It's only good for the moment and you're only deepening the emotional damage. Call you kids. Tell them you love them. Hug them tight. Care. Be involved. There's nothing harder out there in the world than to be a parent, but your kids will love you and thank you for it in the end run.